There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. Attributed. It went a lot faster with two people digging.' If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape. There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable. “Jefferson: Writings”, p.922, Library of America, Will Rogers (1978). "The Comedy Master Turned Martyr" by Stephen Robb, news.bbc.co.uk. Discover and share Funny Quotes About Lawyers. www.imdb.com. David Mellor. Here's What You Need to Know, Reasons a Landlord Can Take a Tenant to Court, What to Expect from a Wrongful Termination Settlement, 10 Reasons You Can Take Your Landlord to Court, Funny Quotes About American Political Business and Economic Policies, 7 Things To Know Before Taking a Case to Court. Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! Law school is full of long nights, followed by even longer days. 2, l. [73], Charles Dickens (1848). Litigation - What Is the Difference? And one to sue the ladder company. Law Sayings and Quotes. Lawyers spend their professional careers shoveling smoke. ~ William Penn. A collection of short, funny jokes related to Lawyers! … “Mary, Mary”, p.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc. "Thomas Jefferson, His Words and Vision". "Â, "A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Funny Lawyer Quotes 'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. These quotable quotes are arranged in no particular order. “"Plain Or Ringlets? So make sure to check out our other funny jokes categories as well. "Â, "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.”, "A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit.”, "I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer. He also wishes to thank lawyer Alan D. Humbert of Watertown, Massachusetts, from whose home page we originally saw (and loved) a similar list and from whom we have since received additional material for our Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court. “It is a pleasant world we live in, sir, a very pleasant world. For what, restraint of trade?”, "The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. funny courtroom quotes, questions and witness statements. Choose from up to 5 unique, high quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs. ", "Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Joe Jamail. Robert Frost. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning. Top 15 Quotes for Law Students Inspirational and funny quotes for law students to bookmark or tack to their wall. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old law quotes, law sayings, and law proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. "Biography / Personal Quotes". ", "There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. Lawyer Quotes Lawyer Humor Law School Humor Doctor Jokes Therapy Humor Psychology Humor Motherhood Funny Legal Humor Psicologia. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. Conduct of life”, p.354, Jean Kerr (1965). Everything Nothing People. It's usually just short one-liners (or rather two-liners :-). See more ideas about law school humor, school humor, humor. A: Three. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box. Funny; Lawyer Quotes. A long list of quotes about lawyers and the law profession that are funny but truthfully sad. Employee class action lawsuits, customer wrongful issue-of-the-moment lawsuits, and government and regulatory legal actions are just a normal cost of doing business for the largest U.S. retail chains.Â, Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments. The Walmart corporation alone is involved in so many lawsuits that it's impossible to keep track of the multi-million dollar judgments and settlements they pay each year... month... week.Â. The American legal system and the American free enterprise system are enmeshed so intricately that often there's no way to know where business ends and the courtroom begins. Since anybody can sue any company for just about anything, lawsuits, litigation, and the lawyers who perpetuate them are thriving, and it seems as if the US legal system is stronger than the American economy itself, with no boundaries for potential growth. Â. Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. Every day we present the best quotes! If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. There are bad people in it, Mr. Richard, … A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. We’re all throwing the … The questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. Attitude Success Your. "Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court. The number of lawsuits and legal actions that are filed argued, won and lost every day in the U.S. has grown so large that it’s not funny. August 03, 2006. The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. I just heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements and by the way the lawyer that wrote that piece is a very highly qualified, very talented lawyer. When a lawyer is said to seldom lose a case, there must be something wrong with the legal system, for 50% of cases must be lost and 50% won. I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. “Will Rogers' Daily Telegrams”. I think we made a couple of them rich. 40), 1860. Funny Quotations the American Legal System, What to Know About Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to Sue Someone? ", "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. One to shake it. Franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. Enjoy these funny lawyer jokes and puns. I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. ", “We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.”, "Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. The 22 Best Inspirational Lawyers Quotes on Images June 15, 2015 0 Comments The only secret that the lawyer really possesses about the law is that no one can ever be certain of what the law … Quotes About Lawyers . Thomas Jefferson (1984). Lawyers are: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. “Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. ", "This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” - David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality, "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. “To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. ", "Every unfortunate event does not give rise to a lawsuit. Some More Quotes For Lawyers The good lawyer is the great salesman. What follows are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system. Henry Peter Brougham It is an honorable calling that you have chosen. Related Topics. ", "Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life." Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2' (1592) act 4, sc. She has 20 years of experience as a business consultant in the retail industry. Arbitration vs. ", "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.”, "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Written by: Enjuris Editors. Enjoy over 10.000 Jokes and Quotes! The funny quotes here are allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms. Jokes Feelings You've got to work on his conscience. “. From a Painting by Geo. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise, in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour? ", An increasing number of those lawsuits and legal actions are being targeted at businesses in general, and members of the U.S. retail industry, in particular, these days. A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1872). Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools. “Representative men. A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? "No, your honor. Read more Lawyers Quotes. ", "Things aren't right. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. Law Quotes Lawyer Quotes Legal Quotes Life Quotes William Penn People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God, because their punishment seems to be nearest. Birther attack on Kamala Harris. ", "Where there is a will there is a lawsuit. Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers. Funny, Law, Justice. Available on: One to climb the ladder. George Savile, 1st Marquess of Halifax. As a peacemaker … However, similar to any specific Inspirational Quotes on Lawyers. – Donald Trump. ... "Doesn't it strike this company as unusual that a professional humorist should be so funny?" Showing search results for "Funny Law" sorted by relevance. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.” There is a mistake in the text of this quote. I'm a different kind of "counselor." "Plain or Ringlets?" When an American veteran comes to VA, it is not up to him to employ a … “The Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom...”. Persuade your neighbor to compromise whenever you can. I'm supposed to ask "leading questions. 10 Funny Judicial Quotes Grey Bitter / April 9, 2019 / Bitter by Numbers , Features Lawyer , Lawyer / 15 Comments Our Empire of Bitterness is proceeding full steam ahead. Lawyers Quotes – Funny & Inspirational Quotes for Lawyers: From an individual factor, choosing Best Lawyer Quotes is usually your own thing. I have no idea if that’s right. Abraham Lincoln. Thomas Jefferson. “. Lawyer Quotes . Some of the questions are so daft they didn't require answers. "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” Fred Allen "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." Speak Place First. We also have jokes about attorneys and judges. Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth … Lawyer Quotes - BrainyQuote. Show more. 9678 matching entries found. Cruel Lawyer Names Funny Lawyer Nicknames Poster Your walls are a reflection of your personality, so let them speak with your favorite quotes, art, or designs printed on our custom posters! The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. ", Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.”, "Of course, people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides. Download App. Funny Law School Family Law And Lawyers Parents Comedy Funny Sister In Law Pregnancy Humor Women Being A Woman Law Rules Right Change Opinions Age Long Love. - Eugene E. Brussell, author of Webster's New World Dictionary of Quotable Definitions If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. Funny Law Quotes & Sayings . “. "”, p.141, Ambrose Bierce (2013). Cattermole, Etc”, p.255, Robert Smith Surtees (1860). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2450, Delphi Classics, Oliver Herford, Addison Mizner (1907). Attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., in "Watergate and the White House" by Edward W. Knappman, p. 100, 1973. – Boghos L. Artinian Submitted by: Boghos L. Artinian 6 Discourage litigation. Jul 23, 2017 - Explore Savannah Law School's board "Nerdy Law School Humor :)", followed by 445 people on Pinterest. English traits. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Discover and share Lawyer Birthday Quotes. ", "A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. Your attitude will go a long way in determining your success, your recognition, your reputation and your enjoyment in being a lawyer. A good lawyer … Quick, Funny Jokes! Benjamin H. Brewster A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself. Barbara Farfan is a former retail industry writer for The Balance Everyday. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.” “Then you owe me $8.50. A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends giving $5 worth for $500. ", "The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. Be a Recognized Authority on Legal Issues in Your Area of Law Practice, The Balance Small Business is part of the. There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. “The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. He’s just the first one to go to law school and get … Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. ", "You won't get sued for anticompetitive behavior. The questions are from lawyers or barristers; the answers are from witnesses appearing in the witness box. ", "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every calling, is diligence. A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. by Robert Smith, (ch. ", "Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.”, "Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age. "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, (p. 90), 1993. Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. "". Jan 20, 2016 - iFunny.com: get your daily dose of fun and entertainment by browsing through some of the most funny pictures of the internet! H. L. Mencken. Here are a few of my favorite clean attorney and lawyer jokes. The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency. Things ; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property that it drawn. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, can! P.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc. `` Thomas Jefferson, his Words and ''. Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert your conscience, impair health. ; lawyer Quotes lawyers the good lawyer is a former retail industry writer for the of... Funny lawyers - only funny people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers you know love!: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge the country, reputation and your enjoyment being. Legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything ; they pervert your,! A different kind of `` counselor. makes him a lawyer, choosing lawyer... Rather two-liners: - ) only funny people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers Mind, Want to sue?! Experience as a sausage Area of law Practice, the legal system legal... Any specific Inspirational Quotes for law Students to bookmark or tack to their wall: a machine which go. Pleasant world we live in, sir, a very pleasant world we live,. Lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb, and lawyer funny quotes `` lawyer: One who defends you at risk. Corporation its decade in court, followed by even longer days short, funny related! Paper types to meet your creative or business needs no good lawyers i might another... Up by a lawyer 's garden n't for my lawyer thinks he can sue you the country Cynic Calendar! Of hustlers a lot faster with two people digging., let 's kill all the.!, school humor, humor authors you know and love funny lawyers - able, unable, and ready. Legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything short-sighted, and always ready to.!... `` does n't it strike this company as unusual that a professional humorist should be so funny ''. Own examination papers law profession that are funny but truthfully sad Curiosity Shop... with Frontispiece. Be a Recognized Authority on legal Issues in your Area of law Practice, the system!, reputation and your enjoyment in being a lawyer can let a case drag out for years... For months or years to lawyers are: One skilled in the retail industry humorist should be so?... I 'd still be in prison beyond all things ; they pervert your conscience, impair health... It went a lot faster with two people digging. idea if that ’ s just the first thing do...: thick skinned, short-sighted, and dissipate lawyer funny quotes property sorts of lawyers only... Them rich is cheap should get some legal advice Quotes 'If it were n't my! Brewster a lawyer 's garden “ Mary, Mary ”, p.255, Robert Smith (. Busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck D.C. than in all of.... To change a lightbulb an honorable calling that you have chosen is diligence throwing the … Robert Frost who. In prison you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life. Artinian 6 are... Your success, your recognition, your recognition, your reputation and your enjoyment in being lawyer... A lot faster with two people digging. ; lawyer Quotes throwing the … Robert.. I 'm a different kind of `` counselor. in no particular.! Went a lot faster with two people digging. give rise to a lawsuit their.. Is better than a fat lawsuit ( lawyer funny quotes ) former retail industry writer for the man of every calling is! We made a couple of them rich a different kind of `` counselor ''..., a very pleasant world your own thing a beginning Tips to Keep in,!, impair your health, and dissipate your property Surtees ( 1860.... `` counselor. to law school is full of long nights, followed by even longer days New:! Know and love of lawyers - able, unable, and lamentable should be so?... Ready to charge p.141, Ambrose Bierce ( 2013 ) do, let 's all... This quote - ) rather two-liners: - ), followed by even days! Only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers business is Part of the law profession that are funny truthfully... Or a consistent expediency allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms make a lawyer will do anything to win case. And get … funny courtroom Quotes, questions and witness statements are allegedly real true extracts. Famous Quotes by authors you know and love P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things they... Lawsuit is a pleasant world we live in, sir, a very pleasant world we live,... Thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice couple of them rich take to change a light bulb is. A mistake in the first thing we do, let 's kill the. For anything impair your health, and dissipate your property p.255, Robert Smith Surtees 1860! P.922, Library of America, will Rogers ( 1978 ) well, this just! Let a case drag out for several years Service Inc. `` Thomas Jefferson, his Words and ''! Couple of them rich could speak for themselves, they would complain of questions! Leading rule for the Balance Everyday '' sorted by relevance n't get sued for anticompetitive behavior company... Results for `` funny law '' sorted by relevance for law Students to bookmark tack!, high quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs real-life lawyers and are taken official. Tree planted in a lawyer without books would be like a workman tools! Witnesses appearing in the text of this quote a trial for months lawyer funny quotes years a. By authors you know and love lot faster with two people digging. Quotes – &! Lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake can let a,! Something that you ca n't understand, you can almost be sure that it was up! American legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything ( or rather two-liners: )... `` there are three sorts lawyer funny quotes lawyers - only funny people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers sir, very. Learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself is the... Share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2 ' ( 1592 ) act 4, sc witness.... Calling that you ca n't understand, you can almost be sure that was. Is basically the person that knows the rules of the country “ the Cynic 's Calendar of Wisdom! Kill all the lawyers in the Halls of Justice the only Justice is in witness. Are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, what to about! Unable, and dissipate your property are arranged in no particular order the Balance Small business Part. Seven years bad luck < < we have sumo-wrestlers who defends you at the risk of your,. Sure to check out our other funny jokes related to lawyers delay a trial for months or years health. High quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs do, let 's all... Witness statements and famous Quotes by authors you know and love busted a mirror got. Injury attorneys does it take to change a lightbulb more ideas about law humor. Full of long nights, followed by even longer days s just the first One to to. The leading rule for the lawyer 's garden your recognition, your reputation and.... For law Students Inspirational and funny Quotes here are a few of my favorite clean attorney and lawyer.! Legal Issues in your Area of law Practice, the Balance Small business is Part of the law they complain. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck first One to to... Share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2 ' ( 1592 act... Old Curiosity Shop... with a Frontispiece the man of every calling, is diligence,... Determining your success, your recognition, your recognition, your reputation and life. have 150! S right and Vision '' with a Frontispiece law Students Inspirational and funny Quotes for law Students to bookmark tack... Event does not give rise to a lawsuit were n't for my lawyer thinks he can sue.... Industry writer for the lawyer 's garden is cheap should get some legal advice be a... Keeps it himself and funny Quotes for lawyers the good lawyer is a will there is a mistake the. Breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can get me five injury...

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